Forsaken Hope
by Kyuunan
Summary: Not everything is what it seems to be on the surface. Chapter one and two revised.
1. Prolouge

**Date: **2007-11-02

**Category:** Moon Child  
**Title:** Forsaken Hope  
**Character:** Sho, Kei  
**Genre:** Angst, Tragedy  
**Warnings:** Self-mutilation, suicide-attempt, suicide  
**Disclaimer:** Moon Child or its characters does not belong to me in anyway. I do not make any profit out of this.  
**Summary:** Not everything is what it seems to be on the surface.  
**Author note:** This is my first attempt at fanfiction so please review and help me do it better. I apologise before hand for any grammatical errors. Engilsh is not my first language, Swedish is.

Prologue

A soft intake of breath resonated throughout the small dark room, accompanied a few seconds later by a sharp hiss. Time seemed to stand still for a moment before a relieved moan was heard.  
There was a rustle of cloth against cloth before the door opened just enough for the rooms occupant to slip out. A silver of light seeped through the door and illuminated a small puddle of blood on the cold concrete floor before the door closed and the room was once again plunged into darkness.


	2. Chapter One

**Date: **2007-11-06

**Category:** Moon Child  
**Title:** Forsaken Hope  
**Character:** Sho, Kei  
**Genre:** Angst, Tragedy  
**Warnings:** Self-mutilation, suicide-attempt, suicide  
**Disclaimer:** Moon Child or its characters does not belong to me in anyway. I do not make any profit out of this.  
**Summary:** Not everything is what it seems to be on the surface.

Chapter One

The small apartment was silent except from the sound of breathing of the two men. The tension was so thick you could almost touch it. The argument that had not ended but a minute ago was the same as usual. Sho would ask Kei why he would not eat when he was obviously weak from lack of food and Kei would get angry at him.

Clearly the concern Sho felt for the vampire was unwanted but he could not help it. It hurt him to see Kei so exhausted, so hungry. He knew that Kei would not die but that did not mean that he didn't suffer, they both did.

Sho knew that he could not stay there for the moment lest he say something he would sorely regret. He tugged his black fingerless gloves up to his elbow and pulling down the long sleeved grey shirt he wore over his hands, all the while making sure not an inch of skin on his arms were seen. Putting on his black leatherjacket he opened the door and stopped just outside.

"I'm going to visit nii-san. Do you want me to get you anything while I'm out?" Sho asked the older man while being careful to keep his voice as indifferent as possible and keeping his back to him. When he did not receive answer he shut the door with a dull thud.

Kei let a tired sigh escape him as he heard the door close. Raking a thin hand through his pale hair he lay down on his bed. He knew he shouldn't get so angry at Sho but he hated it when he brought up his self-imposed starvation. Sho would never be able to understand how sick to his stomach he got at just the thought of eating. He lived by draining the precious blood of others, killing them so that he could live. He had made a point to at least only take the blood of men who could be considered evil. It didn't make him feel less of a monster; however the guilt was a little less than it would be if he killed an innocent.

Whenever Sho talked about his eating habits, or rather lack thereof, he felt uncomfortable and cornered. The argument was a familiar one, it always went along the same lines and ended the same but something had felt of about it now that he thought about it. There was this unsettling feeling niggeling at the back of his mind. He could not put his finger on it but there was something different in Shos' tone of voice, or maybe it was the look in his eyes. He would keep a close eye on Sho for the next couple of days to see if his worry was unfounded or if there truly was something wrong with him. With that decided Kei drifted of to sleep.

The streets of Mallepa were scorching under the sun. Walking slowly on the familiar road to Shinjis' shop Sho took in the crowded street absently. Vendors were calling out their goods, each trying to convince the buyers that they had just what they needed and that it was of the best quality. The crowd was full of immigrants from all over the world; you could see people of all colours and races. It was like this all over Mallepa. It was one of the reasons that the locals were so bitter. Mallepa was overpopulated because of the many citizens and the economy had been failing for a long time.

Feeling eyes boring into the back of his neck he snapped out of his musings and casually looked around for the source. Spotting two flamboyantly styled men that he recognised as members of the local mafia, he moved into a more busy part of the street. Sho wove his way into a small side street. Hiding behind a stall full of knick-knacks he waited for them to appear. The two men looked around but could not see him and went the other way. Waiting a little longer to be sure that they really were gone he went back to the street and continued on his way to the shop, this time without any more distractions.

Entering the shop and waving at Jessie, Sho headed upstairs to the roof. The smell that hit him as soon as he stepped out on the roof was the unmistakable scent of drugs. Feeling that his day is about to get worse he stepped up to his older brother and tapped him lightly on the shoulder as he was turned away from him.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" Sho asked with sorrow colouring his voice. "You promised that you would stop with the drugs. Have you forgotten that?"

Shinji laughed and looked unfocusedly at Sho. "Eh? Sho, is that you? What are you doing here?" Staggering to his feet he pushed past Sho into the house and downstairs without waiting for an answer. He limped ahead of Sho; he had almost forgotten that he was there, out to the front of the shop where he found Jesse and the two Taiwanese men of the mafia that he owed some money. Shinji tried to clear his mind and come up with some kind excuse for not having the money only to be knocked down to the floor. As one of the men were about to hit him again Sho intercepted the man.

"Here, take the money and leave." said Sho and glared at the men as he showed a wad of bills at them. They scoffed at him and took the money but not before insulting him and showing him into the wall the way on their way out. As soon as they had left Sho hurried over to Shinji and tried to help him up.

Shinji slapped away the hand reaching for him and glared at Sho. "I don't need your help. Stay out of my business." he snapped at him and ignored the stunned expression on Shos' face as he limped out of the room.

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**Author note: **So the first chapter is done. Please review! 


	3. Chapter Two

**Category:** Moon Child  
**Title:** Forsaken Hope  
**Character:** Sho, Kei  
**Genre:** Angst, Tragedy  
**Warnings:** Self-mutilation, suicide-attempt, suicide  
**Disclaimer:** Moon Child or its characters does not belong to me in anyway. I do not make any profit out of this.  
**Summary:** Not everything is what it seems to be on the surface.

Chapter Two

Sho stormed his way through the streets trying to not think about all the things that had gone wrong that day. But the more he tried to not think about it the more it kept repeating in his head. Everything from the argument with Kei to the incident with Shinji, and every time it hurt just a little more. Like a knife repeatedly stabbing him through his heart.

Night was beginning to fall, but he couldn't go back to the apartment, not when Kei was still there. He had to be alone. The familiar urge was making itself more apparent than usual; however, it was not something that he was surprised over. With all that had happened during the day his self-restraint was close to snapping.

He felt a flicker of relief before it was crushed by the swelling despair when he arrived at his destination. It was an old abandoned concrete-building far away from the apartment so that Kei wouldn't stumble across it. He had found this place when he was still a child and had made use of it consistently since then, apart from a short while when he had met Kei and lived in the area. He had had to find a temporary place to use for his purpose, but as soon as they moved again further away he went back.

It was the only place that he felt safe enough to let down his walls, where he didn't have to hide who he was and what he was feeling. He knew that Kei still thought of him as a child, someone who couldn't lie convincingly enough to fool him. He was wrong. He had been lying to him since they first met.

Sho shook his head to clear it from these thoughts, now was not the time for that. With barely restrained panic he entered the dilapidated building through one of the many holes in the walls. There was less holes the further in he went and with that it got darker. He was not bothered by the dark; he would be able to walk through the building with his eyes closed without stumbling on the rubble lying here and there.

After what felt like an eternity Sho arrived to his intended destination, a small windowless room hidden behind an old oak door. Closing the door behind himself he hastily crossed the room in the dark towards on of the corners where he had stashed a couple of candles. Barely bothering to light the seven candles with a silver lighter fished out of one of his many pockets he seated himself on the cold, dirty floor, leaning his back against the wall.

With shaking hands Sho took out his most prized possession. He never went anywhere without it on his person. The dagger was nothing special, simple, without any ornaments or decorations except from the Kanji for Shi, meaning Death, etched into the knife-edge. The black leather of the hilt was worn from years of usage, but obviously well cared for. To anyone else the knife would just be like any other knife, but to him it meant everything.

To him it represented control, an escape and comfort. He knew that not all control was in his hands, part of it belonged to the habit, but that was fine with him. At the beginning he had been able to decide at all times when to use it. But as it had progressed he found himself needing to use it more and more often for the same result, he craved more. It could also be because he had grown older, seen more, felt more than he had when he first began. At first he had been unnerved by the increasing desire but had come to accept it for what it was. Now he was content with it.

If someone were to ever find out and demand that he stop he would not. Not only because he couldn't, but because he didn't want to. It concerned him and him alone.

Pulling of his fingerless gloves and taking of his jacket and shirt so that his lean, if a bit skinny, but muscled chest was exposed to the humid air he took a moment to study what he could see of himself. His body was filled with scars, some old and faded to a silver-white colour, others were pink in it its healing stage. Then there were the deep red ones that had barely begun to scab over and stood out against his skin like a sore thumb. Some were deep while others shallow, some new some old in various states of healing. Some were lined up in neat rows as little soldiers while others were haphazardly scattered across his flesh. Not much of his visible skin was untouched by the blade and he knew underneath his trousers he would be able to find more of them.

Finished with his inspection and feeling the need mount even more, he gripped the knife gently in his right hand and carefully found an unmarked patch of skin just below his left elbow on his inner arm. With a steady hand he caressed the skin with the edge and dragged it across the arm without enough pressure to break the skin, leaving a thin white line in the wake of the edge. Continuing to drag the knife with just a little bit more pressure each time till the first blood was drawn. The skin around the cut drew itself together before a small amount of blood welled up.

The pain of such a shallow cut was not enough for him to noticeably react other than letting out a small sigh. Wanting more he placed the knife beside the cut and this time cut with more force causing more blood to well at a faster rate. Breathing out sharply between his teeth as the pain hit him he felt himself relax as all the tumultuous feelings seemed to seep out with the blood trickling down his arm. Sho placed four more cuts nest to the two first before feeling satisfied and with a sigh leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes for a moment.

He concentrated on the feel of the blood running down his arm, over his fingers in small rivers and dripping on the floor. Opening his eyes he brought his arms up to his lips and lapped lightly at the most resent cut, tasting the coppery flavour of his precious life force.

Picking up a roll of gauze and antiseptic, he carefully cleaned and bandaged the cuts before cleaning his knife.

Feeling tired he decided against going back to the apartment that night, not caring what Kei would think. He didn't want to deal with Kei when feeling so content for the first time in a while, as he knew that it would not last long if he went back. He wanted to savour the peaceful feeling for as long as it lasted. He would deal with everything in the morning when he was ready. With that he pulled on his shirt and put his jacket under his head and drifted of to a peaceful sleep.

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**Author note:** There, secnond chapter done. Please review! 


End file.
